i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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