I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
