My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
