I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
