im about as happy as oj after his trial
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
