If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
