apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
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