i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
