I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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