i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
