is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Are my feet made of real feet?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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