I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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