I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
