I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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