I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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