goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
