Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
