so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
