Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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