the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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