In the future we'll all be gay
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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