Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You took a bar mat shot.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize