so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
