if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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