What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
