his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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