i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
