I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
