we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
