Little spoons don't ask big questions
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
