Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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