Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
