my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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