doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
