Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Randomize
