1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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