So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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