8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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