Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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