Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
