no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
