im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize