I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
two words: eviction party
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You were trust falling into bushes
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
