Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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