So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
