Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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