guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
