sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
