I want to walk on stilts...naked
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
