I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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