wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
