if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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