Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
