My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
