So drunk its hurt
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
