She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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