Don't you send me to vm
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
