Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
