it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
My liver just broke up with me...
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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