Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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