I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
