Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
