peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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