lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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