hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Fuck me I smell like cheese
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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