don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
