as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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