im six kinds of drunk right now
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
