don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
