You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
