You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
