i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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