apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
