yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
