well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
