My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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