I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize