The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
