I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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