I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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