Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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